Lonely

It has been a while since I posted anything.  I can't believe how the time flies.  It just goes, and goes, and then I realize that I am behind on everything.  Again. 

I ran across a blog that had a five minute writing assignment.  Today's topic is lonely.  I am going to write for five minutes on the topic, just to get my brain started today. 

Lonely:
This word has very negative connotations with it for me.  People who are lonely always seem to be "miserable" and or very unhappy.  I think lonely can be a positive thing, if you allow it to be.  I have been reading a lot of blogs lately on weight loss, and how you have to heal your inside so that you don't stuff yourself with food.  Like a drug addict that needs that next cigarette, drink, or meth hit, food is also used as a drug.  I have read blogs where husbands left, children have died, and I can understand the pain and lonliness that comes into something like that.  Then trying, trying to make yourself feel better  you turn to a bag of doritoes or a pint of ben and jerry's.  You cover up the hole in your heart... and never let the outside world see that hole.  And once that hole gets covered up, it gets deeper.  So then you have to put down the shovel, and quit digging... but in the process you have become a shell of your former self. 

When my best friend died, she left a hole in my heart, and some very real feelings of anger, and "how could she do this to me, leave me alone like this.  I am just now starting to work through some of those feelings.  And anger with God.  How could he do this to me.  So Lonely is quite an interesting topic to write, and feel.  I know that I am becoming one of those people that self soothe with food.  I gave up alcohol, never did drugs, but in my darkest days I probably could have.  I am too naïve to find the right people.... so I self soothe with food.  When I feel lonely, tired, angry, depressed, I try to make myself feel better with food.  I am not obese yet, but am overweight and really need to figure out how to heal my heart, balance my needs with my emotions. 

Onto a different topic, I signed up to do a cupcake contest at the State Fair.  I can't wait... and will be baking some fun cupcakes this weekend.  I am looking forward to it, along with some fall cleaning.  Getting ready for back to school always makes me want to clean and bake. 

I will give an update later on my goals... not going so well.  I still spend to much money on wants, I haven't figured out how to get my business going, still have 40 lbs to lose, and I am still completely disorganized.