I am feeling tired, beat up, and like there is never enough time in a weekend to get everything accomplished before the week starts again. This is kind of a whiny post, but it seems that the harder I try to keep things neat and uncluttered, the more mess I have to clean up. I spent all afternoon Friday, all day Saturday and most of Sunday cleaning house, picking up after my 19 month old, and this morning it looks like I didn't do a thing. I slowly am losing it. It seems that I have no direction for my life right now, and is all I do is pick up after my toddler, and try to get a diaper bag packed and his lunch made. By Monday morning. I don't get enough sleep, and I wake up already tired and grumpy. How do I get a handle on this kind of stuff, and get a routine in my life where I can get things done, and still have time to play with my baby. Family time is very important to me, but with work, housework, taking care of the baby, there doesn't seem to be much family time going on. I don't know how mothers of multiples do it.
So I have had this blog now for 8 months, and it seems nothing I set out to do has happened. Getting so tired of the day to day working at it and spinning my wheels. Like I say this is a whiny post. The one thing I am looking forward to is having my son in school, in January where maybe I can take a staycation and get things organized.
I have been called on Jury Duty this week, which seems to make things even harder because it is a day by day type of thing. It makes work even that much harder to do.
Monday, August 26, 2013
Friday, August 16, 2013
Five Minute Friday - Small
When thinking of the word small, I seem to get something negative in my head. That is too small for me to wear, that is to small of a job for me to do. Small people... etc, etc. The list goes on. Then I started thinking what if small was positive?? What a concept, so let me explain.
It is the small things that make a marriage. It is in the every day minuta (sp) of marriage that the small things end up to big things. And making a marriage last. It is the quick kiss goodbye in the morning, a short hug on the way in or out, it is the I love you in passing in the hallway. Those are all small things that done on a daily basis add up to something very big.
It is the small things that make a house a home: A small dinner for two, a small picture on the wall, a small bouquet sitting on the table. Those are the small things that make a home.
The small things in raising a child: Stopping to play cars for 10 minutes... such a short time out of a busy day, stopping to take a deep breathe and be patient when he has just played ring toss with your eggs, and the twenty seconds it takes to give him a big hug for no reason. The small things are what will define and make him a young man someday.
So it is the small things that make a person happy. Not how much money you spend, not how much stuff you accumulate, it is the small gestures and I love you's that make something BIG.
It is the small things that make a marriage. It is in the every day minuta (sp) of marriage that the small things end up to big things. And making a marriage last. It is the quick kiss goodbye in the morning, a short hug on the way in or out, it is the I love you in passing in the hallway. Those are all small things that done on a daily basis add up to something very big.
It is the small things that make a house a home: A small dinner for two, a small picture on the wall, a small bouquet sitting on the table. Those are the small things that make a home.
The small things in raising a child: Stopping to play cars for 10 minutes... such a short time out of a busy day, stopping to take a deep breathe and be patient when he has just played ring toss with your eggs, and the twenty seconds it takes to give him a big hug for no reason. The small things are what will define and make him a young man someday.
So it is the small things that make a person happy. Not how much money you spend, not how much stuff you accumulate, it is the small gestures and I love you's that make something BIG.
Friday, August 9, 2013
Lonely
It has been a while since I posted anything. I can't believe how the time flies. It just goes, and goes, and then I realize that I am behind on everything. Again.
I ran across a blog that had a five minute writing assignment. Today's topic is lonely. I am going to write for five minutes on the topic, just to get my brain started today.
Lonely:
This word has very negative connotations with it for me. People who are lonely always seem to be "miserable" and or very unhappy. I think lonely can be a positive thing, if you allow it to be. I have been reading a lot of blogs lately on weight loss, and how you have to heal your inside so that you don't stuff yourself with food. Like a drug addict that needs that next cigarette, drink, or meth hit, food is also used as a drug. I have read blogs where husbands left, children have died, and I can understand the pain and lonliness that comes into something like that. Then trying, trying to make yourself feel better you turn to a bag of doritoes or a pint of ben and jerry's. You cover up the hole in your heart... and never let the outside world see that hole. And once that hole gets covered up, it gets deeper. So then you have to put down the shovel, and quit digging... but in the process you have become a shell of your former self.
When my best friend died, she left a hole in my heart, and some very real feelings of anger, and "how could she do this to me, leave me alone like this. I am just now starting to work through some of those feelings. And anger with God. How could he do this to me. So Lonely is quite an interesting topic to write, and feel. I know that I am becoming one of those people that self soothe with food. I gave up alcohol, never did drugs, but in my darkest days I probably could have. I am too naïve to find the right people.... so I self soothe with food. When I feel lonely, tired, angry, depressed, I try to make myself feel better with food. I am not obese yet, but am overweight and really need to figure out how to heal my heart, balance my needs with my emotions.
Onto a different topic, I signed up to do a cupcake contest at the State Fair. I can't wait... and will be baking some fun cupcakes this weekend. I am looking forward to it, along with some fall cleaning. Getting ready for back to school always makes me want to clean and bake.
I will give an update later on my goals... not going so well. I still spend to much money on wants, I haven't figured out how to get my business going, still have 40 lbs to lose, and I am still completely disorganized.
I ran across a blog that had a five minute writing assignment. Today's topic is lonely. I am going to write for five minutes on the topic, just to get my brain started today.
Lonely:
This word has very negative connotations with it for me. People who are lonely always seem to be "miserable" and or very unhappy. I think lonely can be a positive thing, if you allow it to be. I have been reading a lot of blogs lately on weight loss, and how you have to heal your inside so that you don't stuff yourself with food. Like a drug addict that needs that next cigarette, drink, or meth hit, food is also used as a drug. I have read blogs where husbands left, children have died, and I can understand the pain and lonliness that comes into something like that. Then trying, trying to make yourself feel better you turn to a bag of doritoes or a pint of ben and jerry's. You cover up the hole in your heart... and never let the outside world see that hole. And once that hole gets covered up, it gets deeper. So then you have to put down the shovel, and quit digging... but in the process you have become a shell of your former self.
When my best friend died, she left a hole in my heart, and some very real feelings of anger, and "how could she do this to me, leave me alone like this. I am just now starting to work through some of those feelings. And anger with God. How could he do this to me. So Lonely is quite an interesting topic to write, and feel. I know that I am becoming one of those people that self soothe with food. I gave up alcohol, never did drugs, but in my darkest days I probably could have. I am too naïve to find the right people.... so I self soothe with food. When I feel lonely, tired, angry, depressed, I try to make myself feel better with food. I am not obese yet, but am overweight and really need to figure out how to heal my heart, balance my needs with my emotions.
Onto a different topic, I signed up to do a cupcake contest at the State Fair. I can't wait... and will be baking some fun cupcakes this weekend. I am looking forward to it, along with some fall cleaning. Getting ready for back to school always makes me want to clean and bake.
I will give an update later on my goals... not going so well. I still spend to much money on wants, I haven't figured out how to get my business going, still have 40 lbs to lose, and I am still completely disorganized.
Monday, April 29, 2013
I want it now!!
So as I have been keeping this on line journal, blog, whatever it is one of my main concerns is money. And how to save it, and not spend it. I know I have been talking about it for two months now and not doing anything about it. So today I decided to see how much money I actually wasted, because I get thoughts in my head that I can't live on what I make. That it is too hard, and I want it now. If only I made more, if only my husband made more, if only, if only, then I could just buy what I wanted. Notice these are all wants... not needs, but wants. I experimented today and I made out a list of spending, a budget, and do you know I should be saving or paying down debt by $600 a month, which would still leave around $100 for misc. expenses. REALLY???
As I was questioning this and writing it all down, I went back through my bank statements, and see where I waste a ton of money. Mostly eating out... and some other things that are wants, that have become needs and I need to just quit. Like smoking. But that is a post for another day.
And I had to wonder why do I spend money like I do. Granted there are certain things that are needed such as groceries, gas, baby food, diapers and things like that. But looking back over my expenses, I can cut out quite a few things. Again this month, I have way overspent and received taxes. Those taxes should have kept me going for a while. But instead I chose to spend way more than I needed too.
I have to stop and listen to the voices in my head telling me to spend and not spend. I am making a list of things that I don't buy... while it isn't really saving money it will show me if I can really live without something. This goes into decluttering too. I have WAY TO MUCH STUFF. I have said it 100's of times before, but having all of this stuff is just overwhelming and I can't seem to get a handle on the housework or enjoy the time I have with my baby.
So now I think I have a plan and a budget, and I will see where I end up at the end of May. At the end of May I should be able to pay another $1000 on my credit card and have it almost paid off.... instead of in the 7 months I have planned. It is time to take control.
How do you keep your spending on track, in check and not buy a bunch of unwanted stuff?
As I was questioning this and writing it all down, I went back through my bank statements, and see where I waste a ton of money. Mostly eating out... and some other things that are wants, that have become needs and I need to just quit. Like smoking. But that is a post for another day.
And I had to wonder why do I spend money like I do. Granted there are certain things that are needed such as groceries, gas, baby food, diapers and things like that. But looking back over my expenses, I can cut out quite a few things. Again this month, I have way overspent and received taxes. Those taxes should have kept me going for a while. But instead I chose to spend way more than I needed too.
I have to stop and listen to the voices in my head telling me to spend and not spend. I am making a list of things that I don't buy... while it isn't really saving money it will show me if I can really live without something. This goes into decluttering too. I have WAY TO MUCH STUFF. I have said it 100's of times before, but having all of this stuff is just overwhelming and I can't seem to get a handle on the housework or enjoy the time I have with my baby.
So now I think I have a plan and a budget, and I will see where I end up at the end of May. At the end of May I should be able to pay another $1000 on my credit card and have it almost paid off.... instead of in the 7 months I have planned. It is time to take control.
How do you keep your spending on track, in check and not buy a bunch of unwanted stuff?
Thursday, April 25, 2013
April 25
I am still stuck with the 5 lb gain, but eating habits went right back to the old ways. Within minutes of finishing my 24 day challenge, and going on vacation I went right back to eating junk, whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. Last night, I made a dinner with pasta, and red sauce... I ate an ice cream bar, and girl scout cookies. This morning, I ate a donut (chocolate maple bar) a pumpkin spice muffin, a blueberry scone, and have saved a second donut (chocolate) for this afternoon. WTF is wrong with me that I think I have to have it all. I wasn't happy with just a donut, or just the scone, or just the muffin. I wanted it all. And all of that sugar and crap put me in a bad mood, made me feel tired, bloated, and cranky. I could barely keep my eyes open this morning. I couldn't seem to get anything accomplished, not even simple every day tasks. Then I went for a lunch break run, and I could not get my legs to move. They felt stuck in concrete, my belly jiggled in all the wrong places, and I had to walk a lot. The good news is the run made me feel better physically. I have a bit more energy this afternoon and can at least finish up some of my day to day stuff. And for lunch I had a salad which is helping.
More on the donuts, scones and muffins. I will admit it... I LOVE that kind of stuff. If it resembles cake in anyway I will eat it whether I like it or not. I have been known to scarff down carrot cake, and strawberry cake my two least favorite sweets. Ah hell, I don't even like carrot cake and strawberries make me gag. So the experiment this morning was to remember if I LIKED the food, or just ate it for whatever reason... because it was there. And the funny thing is, it didn't taste all that great. It was good, sweet, and fatty and oh so sweet. But I could have been happy with my sweet apple and some eggs this morning. And felt so much better. The scone was very dry, and crumbly, and it wasn't as sweet as the donut. Not great, not even really good. But I ate every drop of it. The muffin was dry, crumbly and left a funny coating on my tongue. Again, not great, not even really good. So 1000 plus calories in a morning, and I am still looking for something satisfying.
This was a learning scientific experiment. If I was to make a list of foods that I cannot live without, these would not be on it. So far my list consists of diet pepsi. Can't live without diet pepsi. So I think I am going to make that list... and I will see how it goes. Foods that I want to eat, foods that I have ate, and can't live without.
Why does sugar have to be so bad!!
More on the donuts, scones and muffins. I will admit it... I LOVE that kind of stuff. If it resembles cake in anyway I will eat it whether I like it or not. I have been known to scarff down carrot cake, and strawberry cake my two least favorite sweets. Ah hell, I don't even like carrot cake and strawberries make me gag. So the experiment this morning was to remember if I LIKED the food, or just ate it for whatever reason... because it was there. And the funny thing is, it didn't taste all that great. It was good, sweet, and fatty and oh so sweet. But I could have been happy with my sweet apple and some eggs this morning. And felt so much better. The scone was very dry, and crumbly, and it wasn't as sweet as the donut. Not great, not even really good. But I ate every drop of it. The muffin was dry, crumbly and left a funny coating on my tongue. Again, not great, not even really good. So 1000 plus calories in a morning, and I am still looking for something satisfying.
This was a learning scientific experiment. If I was to make a list of foods that I cannot live without, these would not be on it. So far my list consists of diet pepsi. Can't live without diet pepsi. So I think I am going to make that list... and I will see how it goes. Foods that I want to eat, foods that I have ate, and can't live without.
Why does sugar have to be so bad!!
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
Almost the End of April, Vacation, and Thoughts
I cannot believe we are almost to the end of April. The time goes by SO fast with baby Max. He is amazing to watch grow and develop. His personality is beginning to emerge and he is a talker. I went home for lunch today, and he just babbled on and on telling me all about his morning with his daddy. It was so cute, and then he waved bye bye to me.
I tried a new diet, called Advocare, and took the 24 day challenge. I finished the challenge and lost 11 lbs and 11 inches in about a month. I was ecstatic, and also know I can do better so have ordered another 14 day round. This stuff is expensive, so I won't be able to continue much longer at $100 every two weeks. But I am feeling really good, and love, love seeing that scale go down. So I was a bit skinnier when I left to go on vacation.
Ahh vacations are wonderful, but full of food and fun. So I got to my mom's house (finally) after a cancelled flight, and many detours. It was so much fun to watch Baby Max and his grandma run around together. I just wish his grandma would be more involved with him. Like my grandma was with me. I want him to know his grandma, and be close to her. But I guess that is up to her to make that decision. He is just growing so fast, before you know it he is going to be a big kid, and not want to hang at grandma's house anymore. It is kind of sad. It makes me sad. And I wonder if she didn't have some of the things in her life that she does, if she would be more involved.
So I ate to much, I drank too much, and I enjoyed myself thoroughly the whole time. Now it is back to the real life of work, more work, housework, and raising a toddler.
Hoping to end the next 14 days with another 5-10 lbs gone, and get back on track of losing about 40 lbs for the year. I need to get back to running too. My half marathon is looming in the future, with just about a month and a half to go. Gotta get to running.
Speaking of running, it makes me nervous to run races again. I know it is silly, but after the Boston Marathon Tragedy it just makes me wonder what has come over people. Why would you blow up a bunch of runners??? Why, why?? I am sure we all have those questions, but it sure is hard to go back at it. I won't quit, in memory of everyone that was killed, and to respect those survivors that did it. But it does make me wonder what this world is coming to.
So my goals for the next 14 days are to keep with the advocare diet plan: Lean proteins, fruits and veggies. No dairy, alcohol, grains. It is working well, so I am sticking with it for now. If anyone is interested here is how a day in the life looks:
Pre Breakfast: Vitamins, and a spark drink.
Breakfast: Meal replacement shake
Snack: 3 hard boiled eggs, (sometimes a cup of melon).
Pre Lunch: The rest of the vitamins, and a spark drink.
Lunch: Usually a tuna salad ( 1 can of tuna, lots of green leafy veggies such as lettuce and spinach, broccoli, tomatoes and half an avacodo. For dressing I use a ginger sesame vinigraitte.)
Snack: Apple, orange or 1 cup of berries or melon.
Dinner: 3 oz of lean protein, (a pork chop, chicken, or salmon) and as much steamed veggies as I can eat. I like aspargus, broccoli, green beans.)
And if needed, I have fruit for an evening snack.
So that is it in a nutshell. Very filling, and with the vitamins I don't have very many cravings at all. Without the vitamins, I have cravings.
Have a happy Wednesday!!
I tried a new diet, called Advocare, and took the 24 day challenge. I finished the challenge and lost 11 lbs and 11 inches in about a month. I was ecstatic, and also know I can do better so have ordered another 14 day round. This stuff is expensive, so I won't be able to continue much longer at $100 every two weeks. But I am feeling really good, and love, love seeing that scale go down. So I was a bit skinnier when I left to go on vacation.
Ahh vacations are wonderful, but full of food and fun. So I got to my mom's house (finally) after a cancelled flight, and many detours. It was so much fun to watch Baby Max and his grandma run around together. I just wish his grandma would be more involved with him. Like my grandma was with me. I want him to know his grandma, and be close to her. But I guess that is up to her to make that decision. He is just growing so fast, before you know it he is going to be a big kid, and not want to hang at grandma's house anymore. It is kind of sad. It makes me sad. And I wonder if she didn't have some of the things in her life that she does, if she would be more involved.
So I ate to much, I drank too much, and I enjoyed myself thoroughly the whole time. Now it is back to the real life of work, more work, housework, and raising a toddler.
Hoping to end the next 14 days with another 5-10 lbs gone, and get back on track of losing about 40 lbs for the year. I need to get back to running too. My half marathon is looming in the future, with just about a month and a half to go. Gotta get to running.
Speaking of running, it makes me nervous to run races again. I know it is silly, but after the Boston Marathon Tragedy it just makes me wonder what has come over people. Why would you blow up a bunch of runners??? Why, why?? I am sure we all have those questions, but it sure is hard to go back at it. I won't quit, in memory of everyone that was killed, and to respect those survivors that did it. But it does make me wonder what this world is coming to.
So my goals for the next 14 days are to keep with the advocare diet plan: Lean proteins, fruits and veggies. No dairy, alcohol, grains. It is working well, so I am sticking with it for now. If anyone is interested here is how a day in the life looks:
Pre Breakfast: Vitamins, and a spark drink.
Breakfast: Meal replacement shake
Snack: 3 hard boiled eggs, (sometimes a cup of melon).
Pre Lunch: The rest of the vitamins, and a spark drink.
Lunch: Usually a tuna salad ( 1 can of tuna, lots of green leafy veggies such as lettuce and spinach, broccoli, tomatoes and half an avacodo. For dressing I use a ginger sesame vinigraitte.)
Snack: Apple, orange or 1 cup of berries or melon.
Dinner: 3 oz of lean protein, (a pork chop, chicken, or salmon) and as much steamed veggies as I can eat. I like aspargus, broccoli, green beans.)
And if needed, I have fruit for an evening snack.
So that is it in a nutshell. Very filling, and with the vitamins I don't have very many cravings at all. Without the vitamins, I have cravings.
Have a happy Wednesday!!
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
April - A new Month, A new beginning
I love the changing seasons, and here we are into Spring already. The time does fly. Baby Max is 15 months old today, and I am making some progress on my goals. The sun is shining, the weather is a mild 70 degrees and I am feeling a renewal in my spirit.
I got my tax refund today and have made some progress on paying down my high credit card. With only 1876.00 left to go, I should be able to do that by the end of the year. Which was my goal. I am still not saving money, but not using a credit card and paying it off will be saving in the long run. I hate money. I need to get a better budget in place, and keep track of where my money goes. But I am making progress.
Weight loss: Down 6 lbs. This is exciting, and frustrating all rolled into one. The advocare program is great and I lost the first 5 lbs really fast. But now I seem to be fighting every single ounce that comes off. I started day 11 today, and I added in a lot of vitamins, and a protein shake for breakfast. The shake is pretty good. I blended it with ice and water. Lunches are a green salad with lots of veggies and today I mixed it up and made a chicken stir fry, with broccoli, peas, and some cabbage stuff. I can't wait to try it.
Running: I got in a full 3 mile run without stopping on Saturday. I loved it, I felt great, it was an awesome run. So it is coming together, but probably won't be ready for a full half marathon run by June. I am hoping to just get to six miles and then walk run the rest of it. We will see how training goes.
So I am making progress, it just isn't fast, and I am an instant gratification type of gal.
I got my tax refund today and have made some progress on paying down my high credit card. With only 1876.00 left to go, I should be able to do that by the end of the year. Which was my goal. I am still not saving money, but not using a credit card and paying it off will be saving in the long run. I hate money. I need to get a better budget in place, and keep track of where my money goes. But I am making progress.
Weight loss: Down 6 lbs. This is exciting, and frustrating all rolled into one. The advocare program is great and I lost the first 5 lbs really fast. But now I seem to be fighting every single ounce that comes off. I started day 11 today, and I added in a lot of vitamins, and a protein shake for breakfast. The shake is pretty good. I blended it with ice and water. Lunches are a green salad with lots of veggies and today I mixed it up and made a chicken stir fry, with broccoli, peas, and some cabbage stuff. I can't wait to try it.
Running: I got in a full 3 mile run without stopping on Saturday. I loved it, I felt great, it was an awesome run. So it is coming together, but probably won't be ready for a full half marathon run by June. I am hoping to just get to six miles and then walk run the rest of it. We will see how training goes.
So I am making progress, it just isn't fast, and I am an instant gratification type of gal.
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